As the New Year arrived I started reading a lot of blog posts that were mentioning something called 'One Word 365'. I decided to investigate a bit. I knew immediately that my word for the upcoming year would be HEAL. I have had a very rough last few months dealing with anxiety and depression and trying hard to make changes to my life. The good thing about the suffering I have been going through was that it really drove me literally and figuratively to my knees. My prayer life has revived which has been pretty dry for quite some time. I cried out to the Lord in desperation...and I know in my heart of hearts that He was listening. He was there all the time just waiting for me to come back and rejoin the relationship process. See, for me, the important thing about God is relationship - having a truly personal relationship. But, for the last long while I have been going through all the motions - praying for others, reading some scripture daily, attending church every week, spending time with other Christians...but, the missing link was my PERSONAL relationship with my creator. I was doing all the extraneous stuff but had totally ignored the most basic thing - to share personal time directly in communication with the Almighty for and about ME (and of course, the greater me - my life, children, friends and family). During the time that I was going through the motions, He was still there, He was reaching out to me through beautiful Christian women that I know from some online groups as well as through making new relationships at the church we started attending when we moved here to Delaware in January 2012. All of these held me together when the bottom fell out emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially. I had BIG decisions to make and BIG changes to make. None of these were easy (or will be easy as some of them are still to come). But, I felt God stirring within me as the anxiety racked my mind and body telling me that no matter how bleak things were looking that I was going to be OK...that everything would eventually be OK. I just needed to HEAL. I needed time, peace, quiet, introspection, prayer time, bible study, counseling, medication, and to start eating normally again. I had hardly eaten a full meal from mid October until New Years Eve. I was sustaining myself with what little I could get down as well as drinking Ensure as I knew I needed to somehow keep up my strength because I have two children that needed me.
Now nearly 2 weeks into the New Year I can say that the healing process is really taking place. I have been eating regularly. I started counseling. I've been spending some good daily time in prayer and reading. I am working hard on trying to get my house in order as well as my life. Although we are really struggling financially we have SO much excess. So many things we aren't using or haven't used in a long time that can go to good use. I hate throwing away things that still have life and purpose in them so I have ended up burying myself (and a storage unit) in clutter. I arrived at the conclusion that it was not healthy for me or for my children to go on living amidst all the chaos. I have made some small dents around the house and today picked up a bunch of toys and books from the storage unit to donate to children that lost everything in a fire in my apartment complex the week before Christmas, as well as for the grandchildren of some dear friends of mine. This is just a small start but it is progress. It is the beginning of the healing of our environment. The beginning of healing from hoarding.
During these weeks and months of struggle I lost my ability to create which was normally something that would sustain me through the difficult times and bring me some joy. I still am not back to any regular art activity - all I have done so far recently is something I needed to do for my DT position and 2 cards for a contest I have been in all year. And, this art journaling page which has been progressing in layers every few days. That was part of the process of healing too.
It's much more vibrant and has more life to it in person but if I used flash the glitter just glowed far too much and took away from the feeling of the page.
So here's to 365 days of HEALING.
It's a process. I'm sure over the course of this period of my life and year of the word HEAL I will add more posts about how the HEALING process is coming along in my life. In my MIND, my BODY and my SPIRIT.
If you are doing Word 365 please send me a link to your post so that I can share in the journey with you. If you are interested in learning more about it check out Word 365 at http://oneword365.com/blog/
Thank you for sharing with me in this journey towards total HEALth.